Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
