oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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