We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
