Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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