i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
