If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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