Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
