And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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