don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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