I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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