can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
