Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
