By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
