Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
