Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
