Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
