You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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