I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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