PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
