When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
