she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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