First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
