Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
