dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
