the condom got lost in my hair
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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