I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
