exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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