the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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