I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
