dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
