She said her name was "party"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
