my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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