remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
