my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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