I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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