Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
