Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
