Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
