It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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