hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
