I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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