I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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