I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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