Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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