youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Terrible idea I love it
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