I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
