Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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