And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
