I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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