I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
