this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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