Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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