I need to stop coming to work sober
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize