so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
