sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
