My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
