I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
