Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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