I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
