I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
