So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
