She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
