yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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