last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
