i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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