Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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