a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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