Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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