just come out here and I will go home with you...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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