Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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