Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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