she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
